CAMELOT FANTASIES

This is my latest poem that just popped into my head. I'm a bit unsure of it. I've worked hard for ages to finish it, even out line-lengths and shorten it. I still think it's a bit too long. Constructive criticism welcome. I hope you enjoy.

A steam train trip

Everyone was waiting for the gigantic black five
hovering at the platform like bees round a hive
we could hear it hurtling down the tracks
it was steaming past all the coal stacks
we heard the screech of metal on metal
clackety-clack went the  train on the track
finally it could settle
the fireman filled the coal and stoked up the fire
the doors opened to let on the ticket buyers
guards ensured
everyone was all aboard

it started off extremely slow
Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew!
the whistle blew
like a kettle heating up telling you the water's boiling
or a pan when your dinner's broiling
we were all going to have a good day
chimney was smoking and the engine steamed away
the fireman kept piling coal in the locomotives fire hole
causing a black cloud of smoke as black as coal
the smoke was like a funeral pyre
while the fire firemen were stoking got higher

the iron horse was running along the tracks
through fields and forests, both the fronts and backs
then we got to dinner-time and there came a trolley dolly
a lady was pushing the tea and sandwich trolley
I bought a sausage sandwich and a nice cup of milky tea
I could have had a cooked meal, but no dining car for me
looking through the window to see what I could see
I saw horses, sheep, cattle and sheepdogs running free
they were looking as happy as can be
I looked out of the window and saw the heather
while the train went hell bent for leather
then we went around the bend
that's when I reached my journeys end

here I am in Oban after such a pleasant trip. What a delight!
seeing Mull, Skye and Iona from the road was a wonderful sight
we fed and stroked wild swans
we heard the sound of bagpipes in a far off uproar
they were playing the most beautiful songs
though they drowned out the songs of the birds
we could smell delicious food at a sea food stall
we smelt the aromas, of salt and the goodness of it all
we decided to have some shrimps for a snack
that would fill us up while we got back
I picked up all the beautiful shells so I could hear the sea in each one
on the beach we looked around
listening for every single sound
like the sounds of swans and gulls overhead
plus those on the beach waiting to be fed
on our return trip home I looked at what I could see
remembering all I'd seen with glee
living life to the full
my trip today was never dull
I am planning to come back again
this experience will never leave my brain

Quote from: Horsa on July 19, 2024, 07:14:48 am

This is my latest poem that just popped into my head. I'm a bit unsure of it. I've worked hard for ages to finish it, even out line-lengths and shorten it. I still think it's a bit too long. Constructive criticism welcome. I hope you enjoy.

A steam train trip

Everyone was waiting for the gigantic black five
hovering at the platform like bees round a hive
we could hear it hurtling down the tracks
it was steaming past all the coal stacks
we heard the screech of metal on metal
clackety-clack went the  train on the track
finally it could settle
the fireman filled the coal and stoked up the fire
the doors opened to let on the ticket buyers
guards ensured
everyone was all aboard

it started off extremely slow
Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew!
the whistle blew
like a kettle heating up telling you the water's boiling
or a pan when your dinner's broiling
we were all going to have a good day
chimney was smoking and the engine steamed away
the fireman kept piling coal in the locomotives fire hole
causing a black cloud of smoke as black as coal
the smoke was like a funeral pyre
while the fire firemen were stoking got higher

the iron horse was running along the tracks
through fields and forests, both the fronts and backs
then we got to dinner-time and there came a trolley dolly
a lady was pushing the tea and sandwich trolley
I bought a sausage sandwich and a nice cup of milky tea
I could have had a cooked meal, but no dining car for me
looking through the window to see what I could see
I saw horses, sheep, cattle and sheepdogs running free
they were looking as happy as can be
I looked out of the window and saw the heather
while the train went hell bent for leather
then we went around the bend
that's when I reached my journeys end

here I am in Oban after such a pleasant trip. What a delight!
seeing Mull, Skye and Iona from the road was a wonderful sight
we fed and stroked wild swans
we heard the sound of bagpipes in a far off uproar
they were playing the most beautiful songs
though they drowned out the songs of the birds
we could smell delicious food at a sea food stall
we smelt the aromas, of salt and the goodness of it all
we decided to have some shrimps for a snack
that would fill us up while we got back
I picked up all the beautiful shells so I could hear the sea in each one
on the beach we looked around
listening for every single sound
like the sounds of swans and gulls overhead
plus those on the beach waiting to be fed
on our return trip home I looked at what I could see
remembering all I'd seen with glee
living life to the full
my trip today was never dull
I am planning to come back again
this experience will never leave my brain

Love it Lady Ann 🤍

Quote from: Divine Metamorphoses on July 20, 2024, 07:35:49 pm

Quote from: Horsa on July 19, 2024, 07:14:48 am

This is my latest poem that just popped into my head. I'm a bit unsure of it. I've worked hard for ages to finish it, even out line-lengths and shorten it. I still think it's a bit too long. Constructive criticism welcome. I hope you enjoy.

A steam train trip

Everyone was waiting for the gigantic black five
hovering at the platform like bees round a hive
we could hear it hurtling down the tracks
it was steaming past all the coal stacks
we heard the screech of metal on metal
clackety-clack went the  train on the track
finally it could settle
the fireman filled the coal and stoked up the fire
the doors opened to let on the ticket buyers
guards ensured
everyone was all aboard

it started off extremely slow
Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew!
the whistle blew
like a kettle heating up telling you the water's boiling
or a pan when your dinner's broiling
we were all going to have a good day
chimney was smoking and the engine steamed away
the fireman kept piling coal in the locomotives fire hole
causing a black cloud of smoke as black as coal
the smoke was like a funeral pyre
while the fire firemen were stoking got higher

the iron horse was running along the tracks
through fields and forests, both the fronts and backs
then we got to dinner-time and there came a trolley dolly
a lady was pushing the tea and sandwich trolley
I bought a sausage sandwich and a nice cup of milky tea
I could have had a cooked meal, but no dining car for me
looking through the window to see what I could see
I saw horses, sheep, cattle and sheepdogs running free
they were looking as happy as can be
I looked out of the window and saw the heather
while the train went hell bent for leather
then we went around the bend
that's when I reached my journeys end

here I am in Oban after such a pleasant trip. What a delight!
seeing Mull, Skye and Iona from the road was a wonderful sight
we fed and stroked wild swans
we heard the sound of bagpipes in a far off uproar
they were playing the most beautiful songs
though they drowned out the songs of the birds
we could smell delicious food at a sea food stall
we smelt the aromas, of salt and the goodness of it all
we decided to have some shrimps for a snack
that would fill us up while we got back
I picked up all the beautiful shells so I could hear the sea in each one
on the beach we looked around
listening for every single sound
like the sounds of swans and gulls overhead
plus those on the beach waiting to be fed
on our return trip home I looked at what I could see
remembering all I'd seen with glee
living life to the full
my trip today was never dull
I am planning to come back again
this experience will never leave my brain

Love it Lady Ann 🤍

Thank you very much, Lady Divine.

Quote from: Horsa on July 21, 2024, 02:10:58 am

Quote from: Evolve on July 20, 2024, 11:19:05 pm

Quote from: Horsa on July 19, 2024, 07:14:48 am

This is my latest poem that just popped into my head. I'm a bit unsure of it. I've worked hard for ages to finish it, even out line-lengths and shorten it. I still think it's a bit too long. Constructive criticism welcome. I hope you enjoy.

A steam train trip

Everyone was waiting for the gigantic black five
hovering at the platform like bees round a hive
we could hear it hurtling down the tracks
it was steaming past all the coal stacks
we heard the screech of metal on metal
clackety-clack went the  train on the track
finally it could settle
the fireman filled the coal and stoked up the fire
the doors opened to let on the ticket buyers
guards ensured
everyone was all aboard

it started off extremely slow
Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew!
the whistle blew
like a kettle heating up telling you the water's boiling
or a pan when your dinner's broiling
we were all going to have a good day
chimney was smoking and the engine steamed away
the fireman kept piling coal in the locomotives fire hole
causing a black cloud of smoke as black as coal
the smoke was like a funeral pyre
while the fire firemen were stoking got higher

the iron horse was running along the tracks
through fields and forests, both the fronts and backs
then we got to dinner-time and there came a trolley dolly
a lady was pushing the tea and sandwich trolley
I bought a sausage sandwich and a nice cup of milky tea
I could have had a cooked meal, but no dining car for me
looking through the window to see what I could see
I saw horses, sheep, cattle and sheepdogs running free
they were looking as happy as can be
I looked out of the window and saw the heather
while the train went hell bent for leather
then we went around the bend
that's when I reached my journeys end

here I am in Oban after such a pleasant trip. What a delight!
seeing Mull, Skye and Iona from the road was a wonderful sight
we fed and stroked wild swans
we heard the sound of bagpipes in a far off uproar
they were playing the most beautiful songs
though they drowned out the songs of the birds
we could smell delicious food at a sea food stall
we smelt the aromas, of salt and the goodness of it all
we decided to have some shrimps for a snack
that would fill us up while we got back
I picked up all the beautiful shells so I could hear the sea in each one
on the beach we looked around
listening for every single sound
like the sounds of swans and gulls overhead
plus those on the beach waiting to be fed
on our return trip home I looked at what I could see
remembering all I'd seen with glee
living life to the full
my trip today was never dull
I am planning to come back again
this experience will never leave my brain

Very nice, is this from a trip you took?

Thank you very much. I was inspired to write this by a painting at an art exhibition I stewarded. I'd been to Oban and I'd been on a black five but I've never been on a black five to Oban. (I just used imagination there.)

Good imagery, I too, imagined it with your poem!