CAMELOT FANTASIES

There are so many people out there, we hear mostly of young women, who experience a form of domestic violence. When I was 16 I met this amazing boy. He was so cute, into sports, very sweet, and he liked ME! I was over the moon crazy for this guy. He was 2 years older and I practically idolized him. He was perfect...until he wasn't any more. He started in first with a slap, then came the names...terrible names! It escalated to full blown punches that caused such pain I ended in the hospital, but never told because I thought that he was the only one who loved me and so I didn't want to hurt him. I took it all. Every time a friend or family member would warn me I would turn on them and defend him...after all, they didn't know him like I did, right? I chopped my hair and got so depressed that I stopped eating, developing anorexia. I had to take nutrition classes to learn how to accept the fact that my body needed food. For me at the time dying would have been welcomed. He was so good that he truly made me believe that no one else cared for me, only him. He tore me down so low and then build me back up just as a way to show me that he was the one who cared. I took it all for 2 years before I finally had enough and made my break. So many don't get that lucky. I was thinking about that today and wrote a poem to express my feelings.

This poem I titled, "You Tried Your Best"

You Tried Your Best

You tried your best to hold me back
from who I was meant to be
With every name and every slap
you waved your power over me

I lost myself for a while
when you walked into my life
With that wide and gorgeous smile
your sweet words could melt hearts with a butter knife

Things were fine in the beginning
when it was all fresh and new
You were such a gentleman
I went crazy over you

But then something happened
as if someone flipped a switch
You instantly became a different man
Was it me, you, I didn't know which

The first time I felt your hit
when I made that first excuse
You said you were sorry for it
and I drank that sick, lying juice

But you were never happy
with just a hit or slap
You had to add the names to it
and I stayed and took that crap

I lost my friends and family
it was all because of you
because of your sad insecurity
I bought all those lines too

You said that you loved me
that your love would never end
I tried my best to keep you happy
but your love was all pretend

I wish I knew sooner
before the bruises and loss of self respect
I wish I knew who you truly were
before my life was nearly wrecked

All the lies I told for you
because I thought you truly cared
Not one single word you said was true
but my soul to you I still bared

I gave you my heart, I gave my soul
I gave you all of me
You took them all and stomped them out
and threw them back at me, with glee

You said that no one cared for me
that it was only you
And because I had already lost my friends and family
I believed your words were true

When guys would show me attention
that's when I paid the worst
It didn't matter that I ignored their stares
I still managed to feel that punch and hear that curse

I cut my hair and stopped eating
all to prove my devotion to you
I made myself into what you wanted
and to myself I stopped being true

I have to admit you did your best
to beat life out of me
But see you failed that test
because from your chains I finally broke free

I opened my eyes before it was too late
and walked away, I was through
it took years to get over your games
but I did learn to get over you

So you see you may think you did your job
but it was only for a little while
Because I stood up, I gained strength
I didn't let you keep my smile.