CAMELOT FANTASIES

Good morning, fellow warriors. How are things? I did some blood work this morning and then had some healthy breakfast and now I am in front of my laptop. Yes, yes things have gone back to the cold side again but brighter days are ahead!

Clay doesn't interest me much so not following as ardently as I normally do; but still, I am aware of the results. Tsonga's celebrations are getting really old now especially given that he hasn't done much for a long time now. Just barely hanging there basically and yet celebrates as if. Oh well...

So not much to report. Andy must have made a decision on the coach by now but perhaps he has about 2/3 choices and will probably start from the top and see who's available. It's a process after all. We should see someone by the end of this month, no? Even if he doesn't get to manage one within the timeframe, I do think he'll be okay without one for now. It's essential though to keep a tab on things - the way coaches do. Good ol' Dani is still there though.

I find it hard to trust people. It was for me quite easy to trust him because he is very open, he tells me everything and expects me to do so too. Well, would all be quite okay if only it wasn't for the different expectations from each other. Sooner or later he will tell me something which will hurt me without even know that he did or said something wrong. Ahhh, I don't want to think about that. I'm actually over it. At least I think so, if not I will just let my friends brainwash me into a normally thinking human being again. They did a great job during my last trip. I was cured until last week or so when some idiot mentioned the guy to me again and asked me what was going on and blah blah.

Older people aren't easily convinced when you tell them that you don't want to eat their cake because you are trying to lose weight. Especially when someone with a normal body is telling them that. Hahaha. Anyway, I survived. Since this morning I also have my old weight back. Now I just need to keep it.

I will definitely not apply for that job. Haha. I talked to my dad yesterday and he told me to wait until after the summer before applying for another job. He knows that I have been waiting a really long time to finally have more time off to do what I have always wanted to do. And if I accepted a job now, I wouldn't have time to enjoy summer at all this year (6 month trial period, no holidays, you can't even get sick or else you will be fired in no time). So I will just wait, take it easy. No rush. 

Anyway, time for work.

The reason I chose not to trust people is mainly because they are mostly driven by negative character traits (jealousy is one of them), so the element of breaking the trust will always be there. I love people and try my best not to judge them but trusting them is another matter. For example, herc and I are very good friends right now and I am one of his main admins etc. but if he, say, takes away my admin right or even ban me, I won't be surprised - at all. Anyway, when people are in love, they very rarely see the negative sides in each other (that's why love is so great in fact) but when it wears off and it does, that's only when they are more focused on the other things. I take it it's mostly because their needs are not being met regularly. After all, at the end of the of the day, it becomes all about 'me'.

Anyway, I am glad you are over it. It's good to have friends who tell the truth and are there by your side when you need them the most. And yes, perhaps it's best not to talk about it at all. Plenty fish in the water, they say!

Yes, it's hard to say no to older people. I have someone at work who's so sweet and such a great person, but every time I say I am craving something or that I am a bit hungry, she almost always offers me cookies (lolol) even when she herself never eats them.

I guess your mindset has changed in the meantime. Had the offer opened up at the time you'd wanted it, then perhaps you would have taken it. I read somewhere that it takes some time for certain wishes to come true as the nature too needs time to align those requests. Anyway, I am sure there will be many more offers in the future and this job does sound quite tough and rigid, so enjoy your summer instead!.

morning Nikki. I am just now waking up here.

cold had gripped the land once again even as late as in april. so we know it is really cold up north like in Canada.

it should start to warm up today.

general Javier is a busy man evidently. probably busy making money.


what is going on at MTF? I have not been there in ages. is the old crowd still hanging out there?

I don't really know what happened to Betty and Nekro. they just decided to turn against us one day.

I had been always kind to Betty and Nekro. I thought they were friends.

herc darling, why do you see the world as if there are only two sets of people- either friends or enemies? You should know there are some who don't care about either and like to stay on the neutral side. If you ask me if I have any enemies, I will say none. I disagree with many since I have my opinions about things and they don't coincide with many others but they are not necessarily my enemies.

Though clay is a 'natural surface', it's really not ideal for tennis. Only certain people who grow up playing on this surface tend to do well. Similarly people who grow up on clay can't consistently do well on grass - another natural surface. In the 90s and before, clay courters would barely make the 3rd round of Wimbledon. Hard surface seems to be more neutral and particularly designed for tennis. And it's ideal for tennis as well. Who's to say tennis should be played on 'natural surface'? Just because it's been that way? It's been that way only because hard surface hadn't existed back then and we weren't so advanced unlike today. If things were to evolve and they are evolving, then one day we'll probably only see hard courts and neutral surfaces will cease to exist. We can make an exception here and there but in reality, most of them are more comfortable on a neutral surface such as hard and it's doesn't have to be 'natural'. The idea of playing tennis on a natural surface is in fact primitive. Sure you can play basketball on clay and grass too but they are not ideal for the game. You play in your backyard only because you don't have a surface made out for you and that's the only option you are left with. Clay and grass were there mostly for those reasons 100+ years ago since we hadn't advanced then.

As good as they make Federer out on clay, his records say something otherwise. Sure Rafa was there but he wasn't there until 2005 and Federer didn't have to face him until then and yet, he couldn't win the FO while he won all the other Slams and some of them twice. Got beaten by all sorts of people at the FO until then. And he had turned pro in 1998 so if he was that good, there were plenty chances for him to win the FO as he did with all the others and yet, he didn't. Just goes to show he too wasn't all that good on clay. And even 2009, he really didn't win it beating Nadal - his only FO to date.

Still, there are some exceptions like Borg but you can't take those as a general rule of thumb. Those are merely exceptions.

Like Sampras, Andy doesn't even want to play on clay and there were instances in the 90s when clay-courters would avoid playing on grass but it was rare for players to skip any of Slams on hard courts. And it is the same way today. 

My left arm is still sore from the tetanus shot that I took yesterday. And today, they took blood from the same arm. I am injured and would like to withdraw from MC!

And the mammogram yesterday was horrific. Had no idea it was done this way even though she tried to reassure me by saying, 'oh it's all digital these days' but trust me, it's still no good. They must find a better way to do this. I ain't doing this again in this lifetime (knockwood).

All these physical tests are complete violation of physical...ahem..space.

Oh I forgot to mention, I watched The Misfits (1961) this last Sunday. What a terrific little gem that was. I was shocked that I missed it all this time given that I've seem most of MM's movies. What made it better was the fact that, a worthy actor like Clark Gable was in it. What was unfortunate was the fact that he had to die before the release of the movie in 1960 of a sudden heart attack and wasn't able to see it. Some say it's because MM since she would keep everyone wait forever in the movie set. Others say it's because Clark wasn't really healthy enough to do those scenes later in the movie. Equally unfortunate was the fact that, this was perhaps too MM's last movie since she died in 1964 - 3 years after the movie was released.

I really think this was Marylin's best movie by miles. What a fantastic role she had to play and she played it so well surpassing all my expectations of her. I won't spoil much by telling the story but it was really breathtaking with some fine acting and great dialogues. And the story was great too with MM playing the role of pure consciousness of three misguided people. A must see folks!

I bought a small white statue of Buddha today. It's for my bedroom. It's my first ever purchase of the man I am forever in love with. I don't know what it is that connects me so deeply to him but every time I see his statue, I am almost in tears. lol but it's very true. I am very deeply attached to him.

evening princess emma.

I have been out all day. I am just now returning home.


I had to go out of town today and was on the road most of the day.



time now to sip a very tall glass of red wine and check the board and the news and stuff.


that Buddha  statue is amazing. I just saved it. I intend to use it in my various images.

did you know he was a prince? his full name is Gautama Buddha.

Dimitrov is out to Ferrer in straight sets. Very predictable outcome. Ferrer is a clay-courter first and foremost. I mean at this stage of Dimitrov's career (and Ferrer's), he should see a win over Ferrer basically everywhere and he'd see that too on hard and grass, but not on clay as it seems.