CAMELOT FANTASIES

I've heard that after a couple has a child, which is notably one of the happiest times in anyone's life, that the satisfaction and overall happiness in the marriage can dramatically decrease. Is this true, and why is this? What can couples do to sustain their marital happiness after baby?




Having a child can be one of the most rewarding and gratifying life experiences for a couple, yet the dynamics of the relationship are bound to change. It’s only natural that they do and the couple must be flexible and adjust accordingly.

Satisfaction and overall happiness are contingent upon how the couple navigates the relational factors involved. So, no it is not true that a decline occurs after having a child but novel challenges can emerge.

Having a child presents a new developmental stage for individuals and the couple punctuating a time of change, which influences the structure and rules of any relationship.

When a child enters the picture all attention is typically placed on the child to assure they are cared for and nurtured. This is as it should be.

It can, however, detour focus from the health of the couple/marital unit and requires significant work with open dialogue about thoughts and feelings. There may be issues related to grief/loss of how it once was; one partner may feel left out, not knowing where they fit into the new equation. It is important to feel safe enough to address these feelings directly with each other in a caring and compassionate manner. Guilt can sometimes emerge if one begins to feel jealous of the child. All of this very normal and helpful to share.

Maintaining commitment to the couple/marital relationship is a necessary component not only to the health of the relationship but it is a key factor in the quality of life for the child. Therefore, a balance must be achieved to maintain intimacy and connection with your partner. Maintaining those traditions for closeness as a couple, such date nights, romancing and actively seeking “us time” are key ingredients for success.

Yes, the baby is important but just as the flight attendant says “put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then your child” such is true with taking care of yourself and the relationship with your spouse.