CAMELOT FANTASIES

Quote from: Nikki on April 11, 2014, 05:56:25 am

He always says that he isn't jealous in a normal relationship. According to him our relationship is quite special so he doesn't want to lose me. Hummm... oh well. I'm trying not too think about it too much. I had a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday who is going through exactly the same thing. I could give him lots of mature advice. I think I have really learned something from it.

Today it was a colleague's birthday so I had a bit of birthday cake. Already feeling bad about it but I will just skip my snacks today and I should be fine. Hahaha. I thought I could avert the problem by not joining the others in the kitchen while they were eating cake. Unfortunately the colleague brought me 2 small slices to choose from and I ate them both. 

Today I saw a job offer online which really interests me. The problem is that I would have to start working next month, the trial period is 6 months so I would have to stay at home the entire summer and I would only get 6 weeks of paid holidays each year. Hummm, since I don't want to ruin my summer, I will just keep on working here and try to keep my mouth shut about the job offer. I have been talking months about wanting to work there and complaining about no job offer showing up and - TA-DAAAA - today it showed up. It is better not to mention it to the people that I have been bugging with my constant "I WANT TO WORK THEEEEERE" talk.  Besides, the salary isn't that good.

They say actions speak louder than words. If he shows jealousy but then says something different, then I am not sure how much I want to trust him. For one, there's no direct evidence (for you anyway) that he isn't jealous in normal relationships. And I don't trust guys in general. Love them but don't trust them. It's a mistake to trust human beings though there's no other way to find out other than to put your trust in them first. If it's broken only then you know.

Whoever invented to celebrate one's birthday with cakes should be in hell forever. haha. Then again, it would have to be a sweet hell. Seriously, I think work places are horrible for consuming unwanted foods...especially when colleagues are so sweet to bring over pieces for you. When that happens to me, I always say, 'are you trying to make me fat, you devil?' Btw, you can also say, 'no, thank you, please. I am off sweet this month.' I mean come on. haha

You then must have created that job offer with your sub-conscious mind. Maybe you should just listen to your heart and see what it says. I always see two things when something pops up, my heart says one thing and my mind (my so called rational side) says another and I know which path to take right way - always the way of the heart. One can never go wrong with that. If I weigh in too much eventually all the negativity, doubt etc. they all creeps and eventually I don't get to follow my heart's calling, so I've learned since then.

I find it hard to trust people. It was for me quite easy to trust him because he is very open, he tells me everything and expects me to do so too. Well, would all be quite okay if only it wasn't for the different expectations from each other. Sooner or later he will tell me something which will hurt me without even know that he did or said something wrong. Ahhh, I don't want to think about that. I'm actually over it. At least I think so, if not I will just let my friends brainwash me into a normally thinking human being again. They did a great job during my last trip. I was cured until last week or so when some idiot mentioned the guy to me again and asked me what was going on and blah blah.

Older people aren't easily convinced when you tell them that you don't want to eat their cake because you are trying to lose weight. Especially when someone with a normal body is telling them that. Hahaha. Anyway, I survived. Since this morning I also have my old weight back. Now I just need to keep it.

I will definitely not apply for that job. Haha. I talked to my dad yesterday and he told me to wait until after the summer before applying for another job. He knows that I have been waiting a really long time to finally have more time off to do what I have always wanted to do. And if I accepted a job now, I wouldn't have time to enjoy summer at all this year (6 month trial period, no holidays, you can't even get sick or else you will be fired in no time). So I will just wait, take it easy. No rush. 

Anyway, time for work.