I have the same experience, Emma, especially as it pertains to men. They usually spot it quickly and seem perplexed. But, I love it, because they understand very quickly that I won't be putting up with crap for the sake of having a man. It takes someone special to really pique my attention. Intellect is a number one priority. But, I have been very fortunate in the area of mates, (except for that last one). He wasn't a bad guy, but we were never going to be on the same page. He was too concerned with materialism and keeping up appearances. We get along very well, but never again.
In my other long term relationships I was extremely blessed. My first husband was the best person I have ever met in my life, and my first boyfriend ran a close second. My first husband died prematurely and TBH I don't think I would ever find anyone who measured up to him. He was that kind, funny, and considerate.
Wow, I say (the bolded) all the time. So many times people don't realize the difference between a female and a woman, or a man or a male. It does confuse the opposite sex when a woman has substance.
I must admit that I wasn't a single all this time. I was briefly married one time but I had to end it because I didn't feel like being in that marriage anymore. He was a very good guy, honest, very good looking, tall etc. and he'd just let me be which was essential in my case but I didn't find him very intellectual or perhaps he just didn't want to come off as one. We were both in Dallas (USA) doing our MBA but I had to drop out as one of my family members died suddenly and I just couldn't cope mentally with it as I was closest to this family member of mine. Anyway, I feel that played a very strong part in that failed marriage as well. I needed to get out of it but quite interestingly, to this date, I never once felt the need to get married again. And I knew from the day I was born that I was never going to have children. That's not my purpose in this life so maybe that's also why I am not too keen on getting married again. People typically get married to raise a family etc. I am never interested in that aspect of life.
Too bad about your first husband. It seems like you were in a very ideal marriage but I guess his time was up. I can't blame you for leaving that guy. I can not tell how much materialism turns me off. I just don't see myself being with a materialist simply because I find the concept so utterly dumb. Materialists are typically intellectually dense people and are very much into superficial things. You can't possibly have a decent conversation with a materialist let alone an intellectual one.
I really enjoy being with guys. They talk about bigger things in life and can be very humourous. Women I feel are a bit too tight to joke about things and often they resort to talk about other people and I am not a big fan of that. I am really not into celebrities, gossips, holding hands etc. And I feel a lot of women are a lot about those - speaking from personal experience of course.
I do worship some women though as you can tell from my signatures. lol