CAMELOT FANTASIES

I can't believe the weekend is over even though I stayed home most of the time and chilled. Time still flies. I used to be big fan of 'Charmed' and of all the powers, I really liked Piper's freeze time ability. That's the one I wanted the most and I still crave for it. I wish there was 48 hours in a day.

Last night I went to bed around midnight and I am sure I fell asleep right away but then I woke up around 1:30am. I didn't have a bad dream or a nightmare or anything. I simply woke up but I was still slightly sleepy. However it didn't seem I was going to fall asleep any time soon, so I got bored and decided to listen to one of my favourite spiritual teachers' lecture. I was really enjoying listening to him as he was talking about how he became spiritual some 30 years ago. All was going fine until then...until he mentioned and I quote, 'I went back to work one day being very depressed and that's when it hit me, what I am doing here?' And then he said to the audience 'you know when you have that realization, you can pretty much kiss your career goodbye' and then he went to laugh a lot about it. But I got alarmed. And  now I am really awake.  Because just a year ago I had this thought at work and I wasn't able to get rid of it and it haunts me from time to time. Now I am really anxious completely wide awake thinking, 'what does that mean? I can't quit my job? It's not like I am sitting on a pile of money?'. I just drove myself nuts at 2:30am in the morning with all these questions. What a way to ruin a perfect goodnight sleep. lolol. I didn't feel so bad in the morning however but I know it's not going to stop it here. Oh well. Just this constant feeling as if I am meant to do something else. It scares me though since it means some vast change in life and I haven't got a clue.

Wow, that's really deep, Emma. I know exactly what you're describing here. I had the same experience as the guy in your lecture and I did make the choice, but it was fraught with difficulties. However, they were difficulties that purged me of previous ideas. Still, that feeling that you say have may stay in your mind for years, but now is not the time. When the time comes you won't be able to still that voice. It may come suddenly, but you when the actual time comes you will have peace.