CAMELOT FANTASIES

In his country the economical situation is so bad that he won't get a really good job anytime soon. He is refusing offers from relatives to go abroad and make a living there. On Thursday he also told me why which is understandable. His ego doesn't allow him to work as, for example, a waiter after having studied 5 years to become a lawyer. Even if the waiter salary in another country would be double the lawyer salary in his country, he doesn't want to consider it yet.

I suppose I should stop analyzing everything. I will go there anyway. I just don't want to tell him in advance because I hate him making arrangements for me. A friend of mine offered to drive me there, put me in a hotel and stay with me until I'm ready to invite the guy for coffee or cinema. Quite sweet of him although I doubt that I will keep my mind shut about going there for long. Or maybe I should just try to keep it a secret because he once told me that he loves spontaneous coffee, dinner and movie dates and also used that as a reason why a long-distance relationship was nothing for him.

Anyway, if I stopped pursuing him, nothing would change about our conversations. He found someone who he can trust with everything in me. His friends have different interests so they are not really the ones he likes to talk to. Maybe one day everything would change as soon as he finds someone to be with, someone from his city, because he always says that he needs someone around all the time. For the time being I really don't want to use what we have together while we are together, so I'm giving it another try.  Then I have to start thinking about my future though. I still have some plans I want to pursue for myself. I want a better job, preferably in another country or at least a job which allows me to more in touch with clients. I hate sitting in front of the PC all day long, it doesn't fulfil me. I will just see what happens this month when we see each other again and then I will start making my own plans. I will just leave him behind then, if he was meant to be in my life, he will start catching up. I did that before and he came back, so I will just see if it will be the same case again.

At the moment it is pretty much a rollercoaster, one day he is cheery with me, then he is totally strange, tells me lots of random things which come to his mind (I'm the only one he can talk to, as he says).  He wants to learn German so I asked a friend of mine to give me one of his old books. Unfortunately he only had a PDF and audio files. So I told my guy that I could basically send it to him over the internet but he refused saying that he wants me to give him the book when we see each other in March. I will just burn the stuff on a CD-ROM now.

My friend (who doesn't see him being so vague and confused as a big problem) recently started chatting with him. It was her plan to invite us to their apartment on one of the Croatian islands. I found it a really good idea because he only acts that strange in his country, I assume it has to do with their culture or him being afraid of his traditional parents. I find it funny that he is actually getting into the conversation, showing interest in getting to know my friends (even if he asked if she will come with us to party, hahaha. I doubt her husband will let it happen).

Anyway, we will see what happens. I'm feeling a bit more relaxed about the situation today. Maybe because I didn't talk to him yesterday. Whenever we don't talk, I have nothing to analyze. I'm leaving in exactly 14 days so maybe I should keep our conversations as short as possible until then. It is quite easy when the person is so far away: just appear offline on Skype and ignore Facebook messages.  It is not that he will disappear in the next 2 days, find a girlfriend and get married. It puzzles me that he never had a real girlfriend anyway. He called the relationship with his last girlfriend an "open relationship". Not because he wanted to go out with other girls or something like that but because he "didn't want to take her the opportunity to find someone else and be happier with that other person than she could be with him" or something like that. Maybe the one with insecurity issues isn't me after all but him.  In the end he said that she was driving him insane and he didn't want to have anything serious with her because of that... still quite strange to me.

You should go and find out the truth. Until you do you won't be in peace - that much I can tell. Once that's done, as you said, you will be able to focus more on your own plans. Just don't make a mistake that's going to take you too long to recover. I do feel though that you have gone very far mentally and it's always very attractive when the person you are in love with acts so mysteriously. It gets the job done and it keeps you engaged.

I think your friend who doesn't find  him vague or confused just wants to help you two out as much as possible and wants to see you happy, so she's unable to see it right now. She's more focused on what you want. Two people who are truly in love don't carry any mixed emotion as they tend to be very sure of each other but then again, there are complicated examples as well, but I do believe in the end love tends to trump them all.

It's best not to assume anything and see everything for real. I am not sure if it's really a good idea to not let him know that you are going there with a different intent this time. Not sure if he's going to like it or if it's going to freak him out but still, you must do what feels right.

I don't think it's very strange that he never had a true girlfriend. He has problems with commitments and he'll be like that until time starts to run out on him. I am assuming here however but I know guys very well -- having been in relationships all my life, you know. 

I honestly hope it all works out for you if this is something you truly want. All the best, Nikki!