CAMELOT FANTASIES

A Texas Oil Tycoon and an Alaskan Oil Tycoon were debating on which state had the most oil. The Alaskan Oil Tycoon said, "Listen, there is so much oil in Alaska that I could buy enough gold to build a wall of solid gold 100 feet tall and 100 feet wide all the way around the state of Texas". The Texas Oil Tycoon scratched his chin and adjusted his cowboy hat and said, "Well boy, I'll tell ya what....you just go ahead and build that wall, and if I like it.......I'll buy it".

jokes are good for health.



I bet somebody out there has done a study somewhere about jokes and health.



 

There have been numerous studies on the health benefits of laughter. I make sure to get a good belly laugh daily. You can feel the benefits immediately.

Here's proof. I'm going to put it in Health & Beauty too. People need to laugh more.

8 Health Benefits of Laughter
•   Melissa Breyer
•   August 23, 2011
•   4:00 pm
Is there anything better than a contagious giggle that you absolutely can’t control? (Ok, maybe not so good in school or church.) Laughter works wonderfully well in the moment, but it also has some surprising long-term health benefits. In the book A Better Brain at Any Age: The Holistic Way to Improve Your Memory, Reduce Stress, and Sharpen Your Wits (Conari Press, 2009), author Sondra Kornblatt explores how laughter can truly make you feel better.
She writes that the new field of gelotology is exploring the benefits of laughter. It was brought to the public’s awareness in Norman Cousins’ memoir Anatomy of an Illness. Cousins found that comedies, like those of the Marx Brothers, helped him feel better and get some pain-free sleep. That’s because laughter helps the pituitary gland release its own pain-suppressing opiates.
What can laughter do?:
•   Lower blood pressure
•   Increase vascular blood flow and oxygenation of the blood
•   Give a workout to the diaphragm and abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg, and back muscles
•   Reduce certain stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline
•   Increase the response of tumor- and disease-killing cells such as Gamma-interferon and T-cells
•   Defend against respiratory infections–even reducing the frequency of colds–by immunoglobulon in saliva.
•   Increase memory and learning; in a study at Johns Hopkins University Medical School, humor during instruction led to increased test scores
•   Improve alertness, creativity, and memory
Humor and creativity work in similar ways, says humor guru William Fry, M.D., of Stanford University–by creating relationships between two disconnected items, you engage the whole brain.
Humor works quickly. Less than a half-second after exposure to something funny, and electrical wave moves through the higher brain functions of the cerebral cortex. The left hemisphere analyzes the words and structures of the joke; the right hemisphere “gets” the joke; the visual sensory area of the occipital lobe creates images; the limbic (emotional) system makes you happier; and the motor sections make you smile or laugh.
So let’s laugh. What makes you laugh? Tell us your favorite funny movie, or how about a good joke?


Read more: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/8-health-benefits-of-laughter.html#ixzz2sFWI1C5F

that is some damn good information lady TT.

keep it coming.




 

 
“THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. We are here to help you.
2. You will have time to get to your class before the bell rings.
3. The dress code will be enforced.
4. No smoking is allowed on school grounds.
5. Our football team will win the championship this year.
6. We expect more of you here.
7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen.
8. Your schedule was created with you in mind.
9. Your locker combination is private.
10. These will be the years you look back on fondly.

TEN MORE LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. You will use algebra in your adult lives.
2. Driving to school is a privilege that can be taken away.
3. Students must stay on campus during lunch.
4. The new text books will arrive any day now.
5. Colleges care more about you than your SAT scores.
6. We are enforcing the dress code.
7. We will figure out how to turn off the heat soon.
8. Our bus drivers are highly trained professionals.
9. There is nothing wrong with summer school.
10. We want to hear what you have to say.”
― Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak 

Here are 12 of the most outrageous excuses employees have heard for being late to work:

1. My heat was shut off so I had to stay home to keep my snake warm.
2. My husband thinks it's funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work.
3. I walked into a spider web on the way out the door and couldn't find the spider, so I had to go inside and shower again.
4. I got locked in my trunk by my son.
5. My left turn signal was out so I had to make all right turns to get to work.
6. A gurney fell out of an ambulance and delayed traffic.
7. I was attacked by a raccoon and had to stop by the hospital to make sure it wasn't rabid.
8. I feel like I'm in everyone's way if I show up on time.
9. My father didn't wake me up.
10. A groundhog bit my bike tire and made it flat.
11. My driveway washed away in the rain last night.
12. I had to go to bingo.

New Living Will Form

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for

(please initial all that apply)

___________ a martini,

___________ a margarita,

___________ a beer, ___________ a steak,

___________ the remote control,

___________ a bowl of ice cream,

___________ a Kalua on the rocks,

___________ sex,

it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.

Signature:___________________________

Date: ___________________________

Witness:

Stupid quotes from the NBA players:

Chuck Nevitt explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm gonna be an uncle or an aunt."


Chris Morris to a piano player at a hotel bar while trying to impress a date: “Play some Picasso."


Matt Harpring on receiving a pass from Mark Jackson and making the jumper that gave Jackson his 10,000th career assist: "When I hit it I heard the crowd going crazy and I was like, 'Wow, that was a sweet jumper, they must have liked that one.' I had no clue."


Jason Kidd: “We're gonna to turn this team around 360 degrees."


Dikembe Mutombo: "Who wants to sex Mutombo?"


Drew Gooden: "I've had to overcome a lot of diversity."


Drew Gooden:"I didn't even know Elvis was from Memphis, I thought he was from Tennessee"


Mutombo: They will have to work hard for win. It won't be a walk in the cake.


Some guy was asked how he felt about being named to the all-interview team. His response: "No comment".


Isiah Thomas when asked if any teams were interested in trading for Shandon Anderson: If I was to answer that question honestly, I would have to lie to you."

Shaq on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."