CAMELOT FANTASIES

You Might Be A Redneck if >>



There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

You think state employees make too much money.

Your car wakes people up when you drive down the street.

Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

Your local newspaper has a front-page feature called "Cow of the Week."

Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

Your wife has a beer belly, and you find it attractive.

The hood and one door are a different color than the rest of your car.

You go christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

Your talent in the local beauty pageant was making noises with your armpit.

Bikers back down from your momma.

Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)

If you time your belches to achieve a personal best.

If you've ever been too drunk to fish..

Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.

Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

If all four tires on your truck are differnt sizes.

Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

Your Junior and Senior Prom had a day care.

The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.

Your house has tires and most of your cars don't.

Your local funeral home has a neon sign in the window.

You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.

Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have the Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

You argue over the advantages of John Deere and International farm equipment.

There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.

Your yard has ever been the proposed site for a landfill.

If you've ever cut your grass and found a car..

Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell".

Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.

People hear your car long before they see it.

The primary color of your car is "bondo".

The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.

On your job application under "SEX" you put "As often as possible".

You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.

You own at least 20 baseball hats.

If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.

You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.

Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'

your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.

If your mother has more chest hair than your father.

You've ever been too drunk to fish.

You have a cigarette hangin' out of your mouth in your wedding pictures.

The word 'Yup' is a primary word in your vocabulary

If the game warden knows the serial numbers to your guns by heart.

You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

If your wife uses a photo of Tammy Faye as a makeup application guide.

You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

You've ever heckled during a eulogy.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

Your driveway is bordered by half-buried tractor tires.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

There are more fish on your wall than pictures.

You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

You have ever read an entire article in a gun magazine.

People hunt in your front yard.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

You have a tattoo that says, "Born to bag groceries."

You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".

You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

You've ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts.

Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."

You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

You can't schedule a family reunion until after the parole board meets.

You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.

If you go to the family reunion to meet women..

Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

Anyone in your family wrestles alligators for a living.

For a good time, you go nuts at the local Auto Zone.

Your best pick-up line for women is written on your baseball cap.

You have more than 10 ceramic statues in your front yard.

Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

You've never paid for a haircut.

You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

If you've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on

Today's dinner was too slow crossing the highway yesterday.

You decide to attend the family reunion hoping to pick up chicks.

Your wading boots double as dress pants.

Your wife would rather fish off a bridge than shop for clothes.