CAMELOT FANTASIES

My husband and I have been married for 13 years. He has a job that comes with plenty of stress. Recently his business has had some financial difficulties and aside from him not ever being home, he has started being very secretive. I have caught him subscribing to a **** Web site, confronted him and cleared that up. Now I have just found out that he is hiding the fact that he is smoking cigars. Fine, do it to relax. My question is, why be so secretive about things? I think it's fine to do things to help you relax, but why ****? If he wants to smoke a cigar, don't lie about it. He told me he did not purchase it, it was given to him, then I found out he did in fact make the purchase himself. Who cares, just why the lying? How do I get my point across that I don't have a problem with this, just don't lie to me? He often lies about other things as well, nothing that means a darn, just stupid things. How do I change this??




Sounds like you are a very accommodating and understanding person, which may confuse you even more about his behavior. It may not be anything you are doing or not doing that results in his tendency to stray from the truth.

Lying is the identifiable behavior that is bothering you and it sounds like you noticed and related the behavior to his business and financial stressors, which you can always explore with him. Either way, the behavior must be confronted and addressed for the health of your relationship.

You may not be able to change his behavior, but you can be firm on what is unacceptable for you, what you expect him to work on and let him know how you can support him in dealing with this behavior that impacts the relationship. Trust is a key ingredient to successful marriages and it is hard to have trust without truth.