CAMELOT FANTASIES

This is my latest poem that just popped into my head. I'm a bit unsure of it. I've worked hard for ages to finish it, even out line-lengths and shorten it. I still think it's a bit too long. Constructive criticism welcome. I hope you enjoy.

A steam train trip to Mallaig (longer version)
Everyone was waiting for the gigantic black five
hovering at the platform like bees round a hive
we could hear the behemoth hurtling down the tracks
while it was steaming past all the coal stacks
we heard the screech of metal on metal
until finally it could settle
clackety-clack went the train on the track
as the front wheel stopped as well as the back
the fireman filled the coal and stoked up the fires
the doors opened to let on the ticket buyers
the guards ensured
everyone was all aboard

Whew! Whew! Whew! Whew!
the whistle blew
like a kettle when the water's boiling
or a pan when your dinner's broiling
we were all going to have a fine day
the chimney was smoking, the engine steamed away
the fireman kept piling coal in the locomotive fire hole
causing a cloud of smoke as black as Ceasar's foal.
the jet black smoke was like a funeral pyre
while the fire firemen were stoking got higher

The iron horse started running along the tracks
through fields and forests, both the fronts and backs
then we got to dinner-time and there came a trolley
pushed by our server, a sweet lady called Mollie
I bought a sausage sandwich and a nice cup of milky tea
I could have had a cooked meal, but no dining car for me
while the driver and fireman ate their bacon and eggs
swilled down with tea after straining off tea bag dregs
(they'd cooked their bacon and eggs on the shovel for coal
after cleaning it so it wouldn't put coal in their cake-hole)
I looked through the window to see what I could see
I saw horses, sheep, cattle and sheepdogs running free
they were looking as happy as can be
I looked out of the window and saw the heather
while the train went hell bent for leather
then we went around the bend
that's when I reached my journeys end

here I am in Mallaig after such a pleasant trip. What a delight!
seeing Mull, Skye and Iona from the road was a wonderful sight
we fed and stroked the wild swans on the shore
we heard the sound of bagpipes in a far off uproar
they were playing the most beautiful songs you heard
though they drowned out the song of the bird
we could smell delicious food at a sea food stall
we smelt the aromas, of salt and the goodness of it all
we decided to have some shrimps for a snack
that would really fill us up while we got back
Then we decided to have a great deal of fun
I picked up beautiful shells, I heard the sea in each one.
on the beach we looked around
listening for every single sound
like the sounds of swans and gulls overhead
plus those on the beach waiting to be fed
on our return trip home I looked at what I could see
I was remembering all I'd seen with glee
I was living life to the full
my trip today was never dull
I am planning to come back again
this experience will never leave my brain