CAMELOT FANTASIES

Fighting with the depth of despair
Built up a wall
Many times I cannot bear
To breathe deeply at all
Constricted from all the constant strife
Day to day is easier
Than the loneliness of the suffocating night
One foot  in front of the other
Is a burden
My life
I had so many dreams
Many hopes
I'm broken
On the outside I smile
Painted on like a clown
Look closely my mask is ****
Closer still
My soul is shattered
My tears that flowed like an endless stream
Take a break in between my endless scream
Laughter you hear is echoing
That of my mad mind
To you it's disturbing
To me the laughter is kind
The glistening sharp blade of the knife
As I mark my arms
I cut deep enough
For the pain makes me feel
Like life is real
Watching the blood
Drip from my cuts
This life sucks
They tell me they love me
Who gives a ****
The demons in my head
This continual thread
In moments of clarity
I feel the dread
For they laugh and mock me
They want me to slice harder
Demons chant that they want me dead
I need to quiet my weeping
For my children are sleeping
That thought
Children
My death can wait one more night
As dawn breaks into the bright light
Like a good actress
Smiling and laughing
Fighting my plight
Daily I'm dying
Slow painful death