CAMELOT FANTASIES

Real Housewives of Atlanta Premiere Recap The Shady Bunch

November 8, 2015 · 9:55 pm

http://tamaratattles.com/2015/11/08/real-housewives-of-atlanta-premiere-recap-the-shadey-bunch/#more-18450

Good grief at the tea rolling in on #RHOA tonight right up until the minute the premiere starts! Check here for the latest status on Tammy’s peach which was confirmed moments before the premier. The very first scene of the previews has Tammy sitting right there on the sofa when Porsha arrives in her trashy outfit that Phaedra is also wearing in Miami.

Porsha’s tagline changed a bit to “I’m about to give you life, so stay out of my way.”  Which is only slightly less nonsensical that the one the pushed out here.  I still can’t believe those are the taglines they chose. So bad.

We start with a cool, Ladies of London style montage of everyone doing their own thing.

Kandi

Isn’t that a Married to Medicine doctor? I find it hard to believe that she is their real doctor. Already we are filming fake ****. Kandi and Todd got pregnant through IVF and are three months pregnant when filming began. At least according to this scene. Todd didn’t know he had a daughter until she was older? I didn’t know that, did I? So this is Todd’s first time dealing with a pregnant wife.  The doc tells Kandi to take it easy.

Todd has a lot of Apollo’s stuff in the garage including his motorcycles. Todd tells Kandi that Apollo says he calls home once a month or so and Phaedra won’t even pick up the phone. Kandi and Phaedra aren’t really talking at this time. Kandi explains that Todd produced a workout video for Phaedra called Phine Baby that was never released. Phaedra never paid Todd for his work. Damn! Kandi will never learn not to do business with housewives! Todd is pissed and he wants Kandi to tell Phaedra to pay him.

Phaedra

Ugh. We are going to have to see that **** eating grin in her opening all season. Porsha pulls up in the driveway. Which is a big deal because Phaedra has an issue with people using her driveway. Porsha is getting good ratings on Dish Nation. I’ve always said she is really good on that show. I wish she would just stick with that. They play the fake scenes with Apollo leaving. Phaedra says that she and Apollo talk a lot because of the boys.

I am shocked that Porsha admits she met Duke Williams through him contacting her on Instagram. Because he has a history of harassing women on Instagram, allegedly.   But Porsha has never had enough self-awareness to know when she is embarrassing herself. Well except for that time she was laying on the floor after attacking Kenya screaming “I’ve embarrassed myself!”

Later, we have a scene with the other person willing to film with Phaedra, her mother. Phaedra explains that her mother is there all the time with her boys because she is so busy.  Um, busy doing what? In addition to her mother she has a full-time nanny and two babysitters. The only gig Phaedra has is RHOA. She hasn’t seen her law office in eons. And the mortuary thing is a joke. Phaedra tells her mother she is filing for divorce.

Sidenote: Phaedra’s eyes look very sleepy in the scene with her mother. Perhaps she is just very tired.

Cynthia

Poor Cynthia. Her entire story arc will be about his cheating on her in Charlotte.  Even before this video came out, there were lots of rumors about Peter’s relationships there. Clearly Bravo bought that video and it was then taken down. They just showed it on the show and it looks BAD.  Phaedra says of the video, “Oh, my!  Papa Smurf is a little ****!”  Then Phaedra says if Cynthia were to water her own grass, she wouldn’t know what her lawn looks like.  BTW, in the literal sense, Phaedra’s lawn is a mess!  Just ask her neighbors.  Anyway, it looks like there will be no love lost between Cynthia and Phaedra this season. Phaedra will be clinging to poor dumb Porsha for airtime just like Nene did last season.

After the break they show the video AGAIN. They must have paid a lot for that video as Cynthia confronts Peter. Peter tries to blow it off like nothing happened. He is terrible at this. He says she ain’t trying to **** him and he ain’t trying to **** her. Cynthia says that this is not the first time she has heard Peter is cheating. Cynthia says no matter what happened it looked bad and embarrassing.
In this scene with Cynthia planning her eyewear party, her boobs are GINORMOUS. Clearly she got a boob job. WOWZERS. Malorie and Cynthia talk about Peter. Cynthia says she is not attracted to Peter physically. Mal says Cynthia seems very unhappy in her marriage. Cynthia says she signed up for it for better or worse. Cynthia is really upset.

Porsha

Porsha is seen preparing for the arrival of her latest trick boyfriend, Duke Williams. After all the discussion last season about how Porsha was “earning” her handbags by “dating” African princes…. you would think she would have more sense than this.  It appears she is meeting him in a hotel room. Porsha says that they have been dating for a month. I don’t think the whole relationship took that long. Porsha says she feels like a sugar mama. After he dumped her and begged other people to find her a man on Instagram. There was some trash talking on her end about paying for the flights between the two. One for her to Vegas and one for him to Atlanta.  Here in the hotel room she is paying for, she begins to shower him with gifts, champagne and strawberries and clothes. And by clothes I mean a plain purple logo-free  t-shirt suitable for Bravo filming. Oh, poor, dumb, Porsha. Just go to a sperm bank. It’s cheaper.

Kenya

That is not a $20 million dollar house, Kenya. Maybe in L.A. but not in Atlanta. She is close to Chateau Sheree, but not as close as she says.  Cynthia and Kenya are driving through Kenya’s new neighborhood and talking about Cynthia’s eyewear launch. Cynthia pretends like she has never seen Chateau Sheree before, and also pretends like it is “almost ready.”  Speaking of which, US Weekly will have a story on Chateau Sheree in their print edition that comes out next Wednesday. I know this because I provided them with the photos.

Kenya

That is not a $20 million dollar house, Kenya. Maybe in L.A. but not in Atlanta. She is close to Chateau Sheree, but not as close as she says.  Cynthia and Kenya are driving through Kenya’s new neighborhood and talking about Cynthia’s eyewear launch. Cynthia pretends like she has never seen Chateau Sheree before, and also pretends  like it is “almost ready.”  Speaking of which, US Weekly will have a story on Chateau Sheree in their print edition that comes out next Wednesday. I know this because I provided them with the photos.

As I said in the blind, the property will need a complete renovation, but she got it for a steal in an excellent location. It’s secluded and at the same time located right in the middle of everything. It’s a very good investment. Ha! Kenya just said “it’s a good investment.”  It’s been completely gutted.

Cynthia’s Eyewear Launch Party

Cynthia ran late to her own launch party because she can’t figure out what to wear. Porsha on the other hand must have come straight from work. She is wearing a dress with two change purses sewn on. Does she have to make change at her job? Marlo shows up looking awesome. Kenya tells Marlo what I have been telling you all along about Chateau Sheree. The neighbors are extremely frustrated with how long that construction site has been on the busy corner that everyone passes to get to their homes! Remember that neighbor’s driveway that Iylana’s Fix My Life show about Sheree was filmed in? They moved to get away from all the construction.  And then Kenya calls it Chateau She Can’t Pay, so clearly Wendy Williams previewed the RHOA trailer despite pretending like she is not watching the show.

Peter shows up to a standoffish response from Kenya and Marlo. Peter makes a joke about being late because he was with the girl in the video. Wow.  Then Peter gets all angry and up in their faces as if they brought the subject up. Leave it to Peter to start a scene at Cynthia’s launch. The ladies all get together to talk about Peter. And Malorie decides to share that Cynthia said she is not physically attracted to Peter. Way too much oversharing, Malorie.

Cynthia makes her entrance in a white bikini with a flowy sheer cover up, and her sunglasses.
Holy ****. Sheree arrives and I swear on my TV they gave her a man voice saying “thank you, you do too!” to someone she hugged on the way in? Was that my TV being weird or is Bravo already being shady? When she goes to talk to Marlo, her voice goes back to normal.

Then we get the much hyped scene between Kenya and Sheree where Kenya outs all of Sheree’s issues with Chateau Sheree from the neighbor issues to the IRS liens. It’s interesting that Sheree brings up the mold issue. Because the entire empty houses in that neighborhood have mold issues. Sheree is well aware because she left her house wrapped in Tyveck exposed for over a year because she allegedly could not afford to move forward. I hope she has rectified her own issues. Kenya’s house has been gutted and is in process of being redesigned and dry walled.  Sheree is all up in her high voice that he has when she is getting bested. LOL In Kenya’s talking head she says,” Sheree is going crazy and screaming at me as if I’ve sliced the air mattress that she has been sleeping on the past four years!”  I die.
Next Week: Cynthia and Peter get into it at her launch party. Porsha makes a bigger fool of herself presenting Duke with a an MVP trophy (most valuable ****?)  We finally see Kim Fields (I didn’t even notice she was not there) and Phaedra and Kandi argue about Phaedra not paying her bills.